4 Brothers and a Mutant
by Matt Briddell
Summary: C3: Lance sends the baby to a new home. Pietro probably won't be too happy about this (or will he?) Lance, Pietro, and the rest of the Brotherhood have misadventures in babysitting when a mutant child turns up on their porch by mistake.. R+R, please.
1. Chapter 1

Baby Fiona threw up all over the disclaimer saying that I do not own any of the characters featured on X-Men Evolution.  
  
The sun rose over a clear Bayville sky. Outside a certain boarding house, a sedan pulled up to the driveway. Its occupants looked at it curiously, not entirely certain they had the right residence.  
  
"Are you sure this is the place?" asked the woman in the passenger seat of the sedan.  
  
"I'm not sure," said her husband, sitting at the wheel. "Somehow I didn't imagine that an 'Institute for the Gifted' would be this run down,"  
  
"Maybe we should go ask," suggested the woman.  
  
"Absolutely not!" said her husband. "Besides, what are we going to say if it's the wrong place? 'Hi, can you tell us where the mutants live?'"  
  
The woman sighed and turned around in her seat. She looked at her 7-month old daughter, Fiona, asleep in her car seat. She didn't want to do this, but under the circumstances she had no choice. There was no way she could raise a girl with these sorts of powers, especially now that the general public was aware of the existence of mutants. If word got out that they had a mutant in the family, they could very well face angry mobs storming their house.  
  
"Honey, don't worry. Professor Xavier seems like a nice enough person. I'm sure that the he and the other people that live here will be able to take care of Fiona," said her husband.  
  
"I know, I just wish there was some way we could raise her ourselves without her burning the whole house down," she said sadly. "Well, let's get this over with,"  
  
She got out of the car and opened the back door. She picked up her daughter and placed her in a basket she had brought along. She placed the basket on the porch along with a letter that she had written, explaining their situation. She crouched down to say goodbye to her daughter.  
  
"Goodbye, my little Fiona. I wish I didn't have to do this, but these people will be able to give you a better life than I can. Mommy loves you," she said, a tear running down her cheek.  
  
She gave her daughter one last kiss goodbye, and then rang the doorbell and sprinted back to the car before she could be seen.  
  
Inside the house, Pietro sat on the couch, watching TV. He heard the doorbell ring, and dealt with it in his typical manner.  
  
"Fred!" he shouted. "Get the door!"  
  
There was no answer from Fred, since he was still asleep. Pietro's calls to Lance and Toad met with a similar lack of a response.  
  
"Oh man! Now I've got to get the door myself!" he grumbled. "I'll miss Mucha-Yugi-Lucha-Poke-Oh-Mon Adventures!" he said, referring to his favorite cartoon on the BW channel.  
  
"This better be good," he said as he opened the door. He looked around and saw nothing.  
  
"Great," he said. "10 whole seconds down the drain,"  
  
He was about to go back inside when he heard a cry down at his feet. Looking down, he saw the basket with the baby inside it.  
  
"What is this?" he asked to nobody, picking up the basket.  
  
As Pietro gazed closer at the baby, she laughed and pointed at his head. Pietro sniffed the air and smelled something burning. After a second, he realized it was his hair.  
  
"AAHH!! I'm on fire!" he shouted, and ran back inside, carrying the basket with him. Rushing into the kitchen, he plunged his head into the sink, ignoring the fact that it was still filled with dirty dishwater. The baby continued to laugh at his antics.  
  
"Blech!" he shouted, spitting out a mouthful of grimy water. "Whose turn was it to do the dishes?"  
  
By now, the rest of the Brotherhood was awake. Toad led the way, hopping down the stairs, followed by Fred and a yawning Lance.  
  
"What's all the noise about, Pietro?" Fred asked.  
  
"Hey, what is THAT?" asked Toad, pointing at the basket.  
  
"Guys, we've got a problem," said Pietro. "Somebody left THIS on our front porch," he said, indicating the basket.  
  
"Why would anybody leave a baby on OUR porch?" asked Lance, examining the basket closely.  
  
"I don't know, but whoever it was left this note," said Pietro. He opened the envelope and began to read.  
  
"To whom it may concern, blah, blah, blah, I am leaving my daughter Fiona in your care. Please teach her to control her powers, blah, blah, blah, signed Jessica Franklin,"  
  
"Who's that?" asked Lance.  
  
"I don't know," said Pietro. "But do you have any idea what this means?"  
  
"No," said the other three mutants.  
  
"It means that this baby is a mutant too! Think of what my father will say when he hears about this!" said Pietro excitedly, and ran off to find his cell phone.  
  
Lance looked down at the basket and wrinkled his nose. He had never liked little kids, and he was sure he wasn't going to like this one. It took one look him and began crying.  
  
"Great, now you got it upset," said Toad.  
  
"I didn't do anything!" protested Lance. "It's probably needs changing or something,"  
  
"I'm not changing any diapers," said Fred.  
  
"Me neither," said Lance. "And besides, we don't have any,"  
  
"Well, just have Speedy go to the store and get us some," said Toad.  
  
Pietro walked downstairs with a discouraged look on his face. "Bad news, guys. Gambit's out of town and he won't be back until tomorrow. We'll have to look after it for a while,"  
  
"Great, well you can start by getting some things at the store," said Toad, handing him a list he had written down.  
  
"Fine," said Pietro, and dashed out the front door. He returned 2 minutes later carrying several grocery bags.  
  
"Ok, we got diapers, formula, baby wipes, we should be all set," he said. "Now, who's going to change it?"  
  
Everybody looked at Pietro.  
  
"I'm not changing it! I'd get some kind of infection!" he said.  
  
"Oh honestly!" said Toad. "I'll do it!"  
  
He picked up a diaper and began to change the baby. "See, it's not that bad!" he said.  
  
"Yeah, well you're used to being covered in slime. We aren't!" said Lance.  
  
The baby laughed again and pointed at Lance, igniting his vest. Lance shouted and quickly pulled off the flaming garment. He watched as it was reduced to ashes in a matter of seconds.  
  
"Hey! That thing just blew up my favorite vest!" he shouted. "I'm gonna kill it!"  
  
"Lance, don't you dare!" shouted Pietro. "You harm a hair on that kid's head and my father will skin you alive!"  
  
"Well, it better not blow up any more of my stuff," grumbled Lance.  
  
"Look, we just have to keep it calm for the rest of the day," said Pietro. "How hard could that be?"  
  
"Have you ever taken care of a baby before?" asked Toad.  
  
"No, but come on! It can't be that hard," said Pietro. "Now, I think we should take turns watching it, everybody takes a shift. Who wants to go first?"  
  
"YOU!" came the simultaneous response. Before Pietro could protest, the other mutants all walked out of the house in search of a restaurant that served breakfast.  
  
"Ok, fine. Just you and me, kid," Pietro said. He saw the baby begin to smile again. "Aw, she likes her uncle Pietr-OW!" he shouted as his hair once again caught fire.  
  
Returning from the kitchen after extinguishing his hair again, Pietro sighed and sat down next to the basket.  
  
"Ok, as long as I can keep her from torching my hair, this shouldn't be so bad," he said.  
  
One hour later.  
  
Lance, Toad, and Fred returned from eating breakfast to find the living room in shambles and Pietro curled up in a ball on the couch, quivering and chewing on his knuckles.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" asked Fred.  
  
"Baby." Pietro stammered, before breaking down in tears. "Can't. stop. the baby!"  
  
"Well, looks like fearless leader here got freaked out by a little kid. Ok Pietro, you can relax. I'll look after it for a while," said Lance.  
  
Pietro remained curled up on the couch. Lance sighed. "Somebody want to move THAT upstairs?" he asked. Fred obliged and carried Pietro up to his room.  
  
Next time: Lance finds out that baby-sitting isn't as easy as it looks, and turns to an old friend for help. 


	2. Chapter 2

No, that quivering pile of jello isn't Pietro, it's my disclaimer saying that I don't own any of the characters portrayed in X-Men Evolution.  
  
Back downstairs, Lance addressed the baby. "Ok, kid, just stay exactly as you are, and don't blow anything up, and we'll get along just fine,"  
  
The baby smiled and cooed. "Aww," said Toad. "It thinks you're her daddy!"  
  
"Knock it off!" said Lance. "I'm just doing this to keep Pietro under wraps for a while,"  
  
The baby began laughing and pointed at the wall, which burst into flames and sent the mutants scurrying for a bucket of water. They extinguished the fire, but then the baby pointed at the banister, which spontaneously combusted. Lance ran to refill the bucket, but by this time three more fires had sprung up. Even with the three remaining Brotherhood members working as a bucket brigade, they were unable to check the growth of the fires.  
  
"Man, this is getting exhausting!" said Fred. "Doesn't it ever get tired?"  
  
"She'd better, yo, or we're not gonna have much of a house left!" screamed Toad as the flames grew dangerously close to the TV.  
  
After several minutes of chaos, the baby finally began to get tired and began to drift off to sleep.  
  
"Finally," said Toad, as they put out the last of the fires with a fire extinguisher. "Ugh, Pietro's gonna be mad when he snaps out of it,"  
  
"No kidding," said Fred. "If Gambit doesn't show up soon, he won't have anything to pick up!"  
  
"Well, it could have been worse," said Lance.  
  
"How could this have been worse?" Toad asked among the smoldering ruins that had once been their living room.  
  
"At least she didn't get my AAAHH!!" he shouted as the baby suddenly woke up and ignited his second-favorite vest.  
  
"That's it!" cried Lance once he got the flaming vest off. "This thing's got to go!"  
  
"Hey, you heard what Pietro said," said Fred. "We have keep it here until Magneto picks it up,"  
  
"Are you kidding? Not even Magneto would want anything to do with this!" shouted Lance.  
  
"Hey, calm down, yo," said Toad. "Let's face it; we're guys. Taking care of kids ain't exactly our thing. Maybe what we need is a feminine touch,"  
  
"I think Pietro already tried that, and look where it got him," pointed out Lance.  
  
"That's not quite what I meant," said Toad. "You still have Boom Boom's number?"  
  
"Yeah," said Lance. "Why?"  
  
A short time later.  
  
Tabby had not been particularly delighted to hear from Lance. She thought that she had burned her bridges with the Brotherhood (or more appropriately, blown them up) a long time ago. Lance couldn't deal with her hanging out with Kitty and the rest of the X-Men all the time, so he gave her an ultimatum to choose where she wanted to live.  
  
For Tabby, the choice had been an easy one; she had walked out of the house that night, but not before leaving her ex-brothers with a few explosive parting gifts. Now she stood on the porch of her former home, unable to imagine why Lance had been so desperate for her to come back.  
  
Lance opened the door, not quite sure what he was going to say to Tabby.  
  
"Uh, hi," he said awkwardly. "Hey, it's good to see you again,"  
  
Tabby didn't buy into Lance's half-hearted efforts at making up. "I got your call, what do you want?" she asked flatly.  
  
"Um, we've kinda got a little problem. We need your help with something," he said.  
  
"Really? You kicked me out because you didn't like me hanging out with the X-Men, and now you need MY help?" she asked incredulously. "Tell me, what could you possibly need MY help for, Mr. All-powerful mutant?"  
  
Lance sighed. It was looking almost certain that she was going to walk out on him, leaving him to take care of the baby mutant by himself.  
  
"It's like this," he started to explain, but he was interrupted by crying from the kitchen. Great, he thought. Either the baby's awake again, or Pietro's really starting to lose it. To his complete surprise, he saw Tabby's eyes light up.  
  
"Is that a BABY?" she asked.  
  
"Um, yeah," he said. "Somebody left it on our porch this morning,"  
  
"Can I see it?" she asked excitedly as she muscled past him, not waiting for his answer. She rushed into the living room where the baby was sitting in its carrier and leaned over for a closer look.  
  
"She's so CUTE!" she shouted, waving a finger playfully in front of the baby's face. The baby was completely entranced and began laughing.  
  
"No, don't get it excited! It'll," warned Lance, but he was too late, and one of the few remaining unburned patches of carpeting ignited.  
  
Tabby gasped. "Oh my god, a mutant baby! That is so cool!" she giggled. "So how did it wind up here, anyway? You'd think her parents would have taken her to Professer X's place if they wanted to have her adopted,"  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Lance said. "So this is why I called you. This thing's been driving us crazy all day long,"  
  
"Yeah, I can see that," Tabby grinned, looking at the charred living room. "She's tearing the place up worse than I did when I was here,"  
  
"Uh, right," Lance said, recalling Tabby's fondness for blowing up their furniture. "So anyway, do you think you could, um,"  
  
"Babysit?" I'd LOVE to!"  
  
Lance sighed with relief. "Thank you!" he said, not making any effort to conceal his joy at having the baby off his hands for a little while.  
  
Tabby picked up the baby in her arms. "I think I'm going to take her outside for a while. She can play without tearing up your place any more," As she headed for the back door, she took one last look at the living room. "You know, I told you guys that you'd wind up this way without a woman around to keep you in line," she said.  
  
Lance had to grudgingly agree. "I know," he said. "Ever since you left, Pietro's been the only one to give the place a feminine touch,"  
  
Tabby just laughed and headed outside with the baby.  
  
"I can't believe she agreed to do it!" said Toad.  
  
"Yeah, I never knew she liked little kids so much," said Fred, watching Tabby and the baby take turns blowing things up outside.  
  
"Ya know, maybe you were a little too harsh on her when she left," said Toad. "I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal if she hangs out with the X- geeks?"  
  
Lance wanted to say yes, but lately the X-Men hadn't really been giving them that much trouble. He had gotten fairly close with Kitty over the past couple of months, and he supposed that it was hypocritical to keep Tabby from hanging around with them if she wanted.  
  
After a couple hours, Tabby brought the baby back into the house. The baby had been quite amused by Tabby's energy balls, and was now sleeping peacefully. Lance approached her as she placed the sleeping baby back in her carrier.  
  
"So, where've you been staying lately?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, you know, around," she replied. "Homeless shelters, youth hostels, wherever I can. Why?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking, I shouldn't have thrown you out just because you were hanging out with the X-Men," he said. "If you ever need a place to stay,"  
  
"Well, I appreciate the offer, Lance," she said. "And I'm glad that you finally admit how much of a hypocrite you were being. But as much as I'd like to show Pietro just who the real girl is, I really don't think I fit in too well here. Don't worry, I'm not gonna starve to death anytime soon, though; I'll be around. I'd love to stay and baby-sit some more, but she looks like she's worn out, and I need to get going. Good luck!" she said, and walked out the door.  
  
"Great," said Toad. "Now how are we gonna take care of this thing?" he asked, pointing at the baby. As if on cue, the baby woke up and began crying again.  
  
"Not again!" shouted Lance as they all scurried to get the buckets again.  
  
Next time: Baby Fiona gets a new home and a new family to blow up, er, play with. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't try to take care of a mutant infant yourself without the proper equipment. You know: flame-retardant clothing, tranquilizer gun, power-inhibiting collar, that sort of thing.  
  
An hour later...  
  
"THAT was a close call!" said Fred as the fire truck pulled out of their driveway. The baby had been so upset that she had overwhelmed the 3 mutants with her powers, and a neighbor had called 911 after seeing all the smoke in the house.  
  
"Look, we gotta find a way to get rid of this thing," said Lance. "We just can't control it, and we can't count on Tabby to show up whenever the thing gets upset,"  
  
"So are gonna take it down to the river or something?" asked Toad.  
  
"No!" said Lance. He picked up the note and read it again, trying to figure out just why the baby had turned up on our porch.  
  
"Look, what if this thing wasn't supposed to come here? What if her parents were taking it somewhere else and they made a mistake?" he asked.  
  
"Where else WOULD they take it?" asked Toad.  
  
"Xavier's?" Fred offered.  
  
"Exactly," said Lance. "And as much as we may not like them, they're the only ones who can control this thing,"  
  
"Won't that make Pietro mad?" Toad asked.  
  
"Probably," said Lance. "All the more reason we should take it over there,"  
  
"What if they can't control it either?" asked Fred.  
  
"Hey, you're right!" said Toad. "Just think of all the damage it could do over there! Pietro would probably thank us!"  
  
"Eh, maybe," said Lance. "I care more about just getting this thing out of our house than what Pietro might say. Let's go," With that, they picked up the baby carrier and walked out to their Jeep, and drove off.  
  
A little while later, they returned, having made it to the Institute without the baby blowing anything up. They didn't stick around to see if any of the X-Men found it or not. They walked in the door just as Pietro staggered out of his room and started to walk down the stairs, still looking very shell-shocked.  
  
Pietro looked slowly around the room, gingerly holding onto the banister. "Why does the house smell like smoke?" he asked in a faint voice. "Did Fred leave something in the microwave too long again?"  
  
"No," said Lance. "The baby did all that,"  
  
"Oh, the baby," Pietro said. "The baby!!! Where's the baby!?" he shouted, suddenly realizing that the baby was not in the living room.  
  
"Hey, calm down, yo," said Toad. "We found a better home for it,"  
  
"You did what? I was going to give that baby to my father! Gambit's coming by tomorrow to get her!"  
  
"Well, you'll just have to explain that she's living somewhere else now," said Lance.  
  
Pietro was seething. "Where did you take her?" Nobody answered him.  
  
"This isn't funny! Where is she?" he raved. "Don't tell me," he said, looking at their faces. "You didn't." he said as the other three mutants began to nod.  
  
"YOU TOOK HER TO XAVIER???"  
  
"Hey, it was either that or have the whole house burnt down," Lance said.  
  
"I can't believe you couldn't take care of a little baby for one measly day!" Pietro shouted. "What am I going to tell Gambit when he shows up?"  
  
"For starters, you can tell him just how much YOU took care of it," said Lance angrily. "How long were you curled up on your bed like a mental patient? 5 hours? 6?"  
  
Pietro clutched at his hair, pulling strands of it out. "I'm ruined! Magneto's going to disown me!"  
  
"I'd be more worried about what Gambit's going to do to you with that staff of his, yo," Toad said. Pietro groaned louder.  
  
"Alright, Pietro, calm down," said Lance. "When Gambit gets here, you can tell him that you sent the kid to Xavier's as a way to blow the place up or something,"  
  
Pietro looked up, a queer sparkle in his eye. "That's, that's it! That's brilliant! Lance, you're a genius!" he shouted. "Magneto's bound to take you guys in now!" he said, running back upstairs.  
  
"Great, just what I always wanted," said Lance.  
  
"Hey, I wonder how the baby's doing right now," asked Fred.  
  
Across town.  
  
Kurt had heard the doorbell ring, but as he scanned the front lawn, he didn't see anybody or any cars around. "Who could have rung ze bell?" he asked to nobody in particular.  
  
He heard a rustle of blankets at his feet, and looked down to see a basket with a baby inside of it.  
  
"Vhat?" he asked, crouching down to take a closer look. "A baby?"  
  
As he looked at the baby in the basket, it began to laugh, and Kurt felt a warm sensation from behind. He turned around to see that his tail was on fire.  
  
"Aaa! Professor!" he shouted, running back inside the mansion.  
  
A few moments later, Kitty walked up to the door just as Kurt ran by screaming.  
  
"Like, what was that all about?" she wondered aloud. Then she saw the baby.  
  
She gasped with excitement and picked up the basket. "Hi there!" she said to the baby, and read the note that was in the basket with her. "Wow! A mutant baby! Just wait till the Professor sees you!"  
  
She turned back into the house to inform Xavier that the Institute would soon be taking on a new member. Meanwhile, the baby looked around the spacious family room and smiled with glee at the prospect of all the fun it was about to have. 


End file.
